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To Praise and Accept or Curse

Most of us have parts that we'd rather get rid of. But believe it or not, every part of us has a reason for existing. We all know that when we praise an animal or child instead of cursing, we get better results. The same is true with parts inside us.


If you validate and praise a part for trying hard, even if it is causing you problems, the part will not resist you and try even harder to take over. If you give parts of yourself some understanding and acceptance they will likely give you the reins. That's why change is so hard. We all have hidden parts that have beliefs and even power, and we've got to understand them and make a conscious decision that we don't want that (what is happening) anymore. We decide we want something different, with conviction.


Say a part of you makes you drink when you are exhausted or stressed. Upon reflection, you realize that it's a quick fix, an easy answer for comfort. But it gives you a headache or fatigue the next day and you'd really like to get in better physical shape. The part of you that wants comfort is going to battle against (obviously weaker) parts that want to be in shape and healthy. Learning to listen but not respond to urges helps us separate from parts and make new decisions to honor other parts of ourselves that may get pushed down or into the background. Once you know that a part that urges (and has opinions) is not all of you, you can begin to take control of your life.

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Its true. Research has finally caught up with what therapists have known for decades. Little trauma can cause emotional dysregulation that gets stuck and that talking about it doesn't heal it. It's li